to what end?

So, when I first entered medical school, my goal was to be a doctor 24/7. to be able to go wherever, whenever. to have nothing in my life but being on call. needless to say, that is not a sustainable goal. and now i realise that i need other things in my life. more precisely, i have been blessed by having meagen enter my life. and i'm not going to live out that original career goal just the way i had imagined it (who ever does?) and i don't want to, but what is my goal? what is it that motivates me in school? what interest groups do i want to attend? what articles do i want to read? what need to i want to meet? much of the original vision can be salvaged, but i feel rather confused these days as i sit in class and am not sure what i want to get out of it. sure, being a doctor will be pretty cool. and i do want to do it. but i need a vision of how to incorporate it into my life. i am like the seedlings that are growing in my den. i have a structure and a goal, and each day i stretch a little more toward the sun, but sometimes my container gets moved and i end up bending in a new way. and sometimes if you look close enough you can see me growing and bending, but usually it is too slow to notice, you just come in one day and notice that things are different, taller, more developed, and you wonder when it happened. and sometimes the leaves spread and the plant takes on a whole different shape than you thought it would. i can feel my little soul cells stretching and growing. moving towards the son. lord jesus, these hands are yours, i give them over to you along with my mind, my eyes, my whole body and being. take me lord, and illumine the path so that i might live in your light and feel your gentle pull through my life.